Introduction

In past years, many articles were written about the loneliness of CEOs, entrepreneurs, and managers in general. More recently, High Potential Managers (HPM) have been the focus of a lot of publications. However very little has been told about their loneliness.

Through my experience as a professor responsible for in-company training at the ESSEC (French Business School), thanks to my responsibilities as a coach with the Executive MBA and my various interventions in companies, I have identified a diffuse malaise and a feeling of loneliness more specifically among high potential executives.

The objective of this research is to track down the psychological, organizational, and environmental elements which contribute to this feeling of loneliness, as well as the behavior of the concerned managers. I would like to demonstrate that a training such as the EMBA and more precisely a collective coaching framework could be a solution to this kind of uneasy feeling.

The concept of High Potential Managers is relatively new. In one of their reference studies, F. Bournois et S. Roussillon, defined them as « those who have been singled out by their companies as potential candidates to join the team of leaders already in place » (1998, p.13).

In the past, the career path of HPM was closely followed and managed by their companies. P. Drucker (1999) observes that nowadays, this people, must manage themselves and their own professional destiny, because companies will no longer take their career in charge. On the other hand, P. Drucker lays the stress on the fact that these people have great difficulties to identify their own skills. They are too concerned with their weaknesses and tend to overlook their strengths.

Why can’t most of these people, among the most highly graduated and the brightest ones, succeed in identifying their skills and talents ? Why, when they are aware of their skills, can’t they put them in good use for their professional strategy leading them to management positions? Why and how do all these steps cause a feeling of malaise and loneliness ?

Some theoretical elements

False self

False-self is a mechanism of defence, a protection that some individuals build up in order to protect themselves against a dangerous environment. By showing their true personality, and revealing their desires appear to be a really risky process. False-self is based on the submission and the dependence on an environment from which the individual can not obtain what he needs, an environment he cannot control (Winnicott 1960). False-self exceeds the submission and  necessary compromises for a good socialization.

It drives people towards conformity to a behavioral norm that they deem desirable. This provides them with  the reassuring feeling that they need to survive, « this semblance of security, achieved through meeting the other’s needs at the expense of one’s own, is an essential feature of the false self and false self bond » (Newman,1966, p.792).

The commitment expected from these individuals is more often than not greater than the one expected from common managers. It refers to their personality, who they are and not only what they do (Roussillon, 1998). In order not to go against their own values, some managers adopt an “as if” personality. “They behave as if they still perfectly fitted their positions, as if nothing could go wrong, as  if nothing had changed, as if they were comfortable with the situations they are in” (Enriquez, 1997, p.65). The wide range of behaviors and competencies required to reach managing positions become their sole reference and driving force, but end up excluding other possible ones deemed worthless. False self is built on grounds of identification. The company’s ideal soon replaces their ideal of self; then companies offer the ideal of excellence, a myth which still exists.

Withstanding this hard pressure which constitutes a general HP’s management technique in some companies, “requires a personal strength, and the knowledge of oneself and of one’s limits, an important ability to create one’s own personal project.” (Roussillon, 1998, p.61). However, not all managers  have this ability of interiority. Quite a few of them unconsciously give up.

Winnicott refers to « this real distress for individuals who feel even more false insofar as they are successful » (Winnicott, 1960, p.121). How can they see that their true-self is in great danger, that it is more and more unreachable, when firms grant them recognition, tokens and awards. The price to pay, the flip side of success is their obligation to give up their interiority and desires. Most HPms smother their silent and unconscious distress, until the day that their whole system collapses, after being turned down for a promotion or a long awaited recognition. They are destabilised and are invaded by doubts.  Actually the acquiescence to the other’s desire, parents, teachers or managers has lasted for such a long time, maybe since their childhood, since the beginning of their school and professional life hat they are sometimes unaware of this process.

Then malaise appears, a lurking feeling of solitude looms ahead. But this kind of emotions cannot be allowed out in the corporate world. The brave manager who would dare to express them would risk exclusion.

Solitude : a twofold meaning.

The first meaning  given tot the word solitude the Le Robert dictionary (1998) is as follows: “state of a deserted place” or “situation of someone who is lonely”. It’s only in the XVII century that word  started to bear the  meaning of isolation/loneliness, feeling of abandonment or separation. “whereas in the past solitude was pursued in order to create conditions conducive to intellectual or spiritual fulfilment, it is avoided by men today as it carries the sense of woe.” (J.Cl. Reinhardt, 2000, p.911).

This negative facet of dangerous solitude was also analysed by Freud (1926) when he referred to the very first childhood fears. The origin  of this feeling  is fear of abandonment and feelings of loss.

In his study on the matter, Quinidoz (1991), after M. Klein (1957) reminds us that feeling of loneliness spring from the fear of separation. However, separation can be experienced through two different modes tightly linked to the two meanings of the word solitude.

There is  separation that triggers a grieving process including denial, anger, sadness and pain. But separation in this way is never destructive. This (positive) solitude is evoked by Winnicott (1958) stipulating what children discover in “transitional space”.  “it’s the capacity to be alone in the presence of others”. This type of loneliness is defined by  H. O’Dwyer de Macedo (1998, p.89) as « the place of the subject », « quality of the being », which is where an individual comes to face himself, to face his interiority, his genuineness, fantasies and desires.

Making choices, positioning oneself from others, becoming responsible for one’s life, developing this feeling of loneliness “ the man who becomes  sole responsible entity for his life has become a lonely man. He must struggle in order to hold on to his place, to keep his self-esteem ; nobody else can help him in his task, insofar as others are faced with the same constraint.” (E. Enriquez, 1998, p.16).

Nevertheless, a second form of loneliness can be experienced as a real abandonment. It’s a real  threat to the individual’s psychical integrity and refers to a former relationship. The forsaken partner is still caught up in a intensely close relationship with partner who forsook. This separation is felt as a loss of a part of self and not necessarily as a loss of separated object.

This (negative) solitude spawns a deeply rooted feeling of malaise. Increasing abstraction or a virtual universe will take the precedence over a more and more dehumanised universe. “malaise would be another signal: that of lost self threatened by dehumanisation” (Israël, 1998, P; 190). Staff management recently gave way to competence management. Today’s man hides behind the future added-value that he represents; “learning from that, we might decide to get rid of the reducing human resources concept and decide to focus on what represents today the key to competitive differentiation : development and management of corporate competencies.” (Réale, 1998, p.332).

Dehumanisation would be the loss of contact with the other, similar and different, but most of all the loss of contact with self and one’s own desires.

Consequently loneliness can be twofold : either a base to build relationships with others or with self, or alienation to the desires of others.

Isolating management practices

One can observe a paradoxical concept : How can those workers, center of attraction of their firms, experience simultaneously a deep feeling of abandonment ?

The management of HP executives promotes feelings of loneliness. Actually HPMs, in most company represent a blurred category (Roussillon, 1998). Having difficulties to constitute their professional identity, singled out and drown in the high potential mob, they often get lost in an identity and narcissistic quest.

The in‑company training programs conceived for this executives "breeding ground”, appears to be an initiation journey with its stages and tests allowing the best ones to win their spurs. These programs also seem like onslaught courses where one should become tougher in order to eliminate the others because there is not enough room for everybody. They are the same people they are supposed to build networks with, to rely on to succeed. Consequently, a co‑worker who fails, leaves a potential spot, a closer step to the most coveted excecutive positions, which means less rivalry and competition.

Instrumentalisation, dehumanization: one does not consider others as friends, not even as colleagues but solely a network to step on in order to reach for the stars. Sainsaulieu (1977) commented on the need to develop offensive strategies : to fight against self, against others. As a result, HPMs feel divided between "hate and love", "envy and gratitude" (M. Klein, 1957). In fact, in the seminars they attend, they do not learn to manage this kind of ambivalence. All those elements partly contribute to their destabilization, to suspend their desire.

Challenging environment, undefined rules

Usually, the rules of success in those company, as every where, are quite informal, opaque and at times. It is difficult for them to identify their mangers’ expectations, what they expected from them. Their results are regularly assessed by comities they ignore the existence.

At all the same time, their every day life at work is precarious and unsettling. They are constantly under tremendous pressure to achieve and to perform. They are viewed as the warrant of the future when no one can control the present. If they fail, they risk being ousted from the elite. They were supposed to be the dauphins, they can be potentially forfeited. All this can contribute to the development of feelings of omnipotence, at once counterbalanced by feelings of doubts and uncertainty at best and by feelings of impotence most of the time.

Dependence, lack, doubt, alienation

It is the least paradox : although HPMs are the center of attraction, exposed to the scrutinizing gaze of others, they often suffer from a lack of feedback and recognition. They doubt about their competencies their abilities. The ideal ego and superego take the place of explicit rules. Some of them will experience castration which they expressed as a lack of knowledge and experience.

They are supposed to be autonomous, but they are strongly dependent on a group of non-identifiable individuals. Eager to fare well, willing to fit supposed competence criteria and imposed norms, they no longer know if what they achieve is expected from them. More over they tend to forget real skills and own objectives, as what they would like to do, as their main goal has become to please others.

It is often inadvisable for HPMs to confide in others within firms, as doubting oneself is badly viewed. Self-questioning, when one is a part of he elite, might provoke alienation from the leading teal. They should go on pleasing and convincing A lot of them soon become corporate policy “objects”. Prisoners of their superego and their ideal ego, combined with an unsafe environment which alienates their desire, their true-self being stifled.. Everything is on stage for the appearance and development of false self.

Consequently, many people put an end to the dialogue with themselves, they renounce to their interiority. This represents true (bad) loneliness, to my eyes. It is not only the lack of recognition, the difficulties to identify oneself to a group, not even rivalry and the lack of solidarity, but it is mostly the alienation of their desire in some kind of HPM’s mythology, which is translated in competencies, expected behaviors, and most in words and speeches.

The Executive MBA : a transitional area, possible solution to loneliness and the discovery of the true solitude

Every infant experiences a fusional relationship with his mother in the very first weeks following his birth. He cannot differentiate ‘me’ from ‘not-me’ embodied by his mother and the external environment. He is in the illusion that every thing happening around him is his own production : this is what we call the phase of omnipotence. The ‘good enough mother’ caters his needs, adapts herself to her baby’s desires and encourages this illusion thanks to her diligent caring. The infant will feel deeply reassured and safe. However, the ‘good enough mother’ will also trigger an experience of frustration through which it will appear bearable and non-destructive. So the baby experiences progressively the “me” and “not-me”. Meaning that he slowly discovers that if he has not the absolute ability to produce the world and act on it, he can influence it. The transitional object allows him to understand that he is not totally important, and that in a way, he can transform the world. He experiences his capacity to interact with his environment.

By attending to an EMBA, some HPMs try to escape from this mostly unconscious malaise. Officially, so they say, their main objective is to acquire what they miss, i.e. knowledge. Therefore they choose among the most reputable and prestigious training programs, on the international market.

In fact, training’s main contribution is to allow them to escape from their loneliness. The framework of the program (recruitment, knowledge acquisitions methods, skills assessment, experience sharing, new learning, and more specially, importance of the team and collective performances) represents a reassuring and ‘facilitating environment’ as Winnicott defined it (Winnicott, 1958). This environment will allow the separation of the baby from his mother, in order to discover the external world as it is, and to become not only an autonomous individual ,but also a creative actor.

Coaching sessions within a particular framework.

Two years into this program, it was decided to set up group coaching sessions of the previously established groups.  A better running of the teams was the main objective  along with  an improvement of their performance. Held every nine months, the coaching meetings were not as frequent as the training sessions which were to take place every three weeks. But soon, thanks to both the participants’ and the coaches’ interest, these sessions took a whole new meaning.

The coaching sessions are a means to go over the group’s performance and their yield process. Based on the ‘working-through’ method, conceived by some of the Tavistock institute members. This method allows individuals  or groups to deepen their understanding of the dynamics and processes, both individual and collective  which are the source of performance « the process of increasing one’s awareness of psychological side of what is taking place is known as review.» (Ambrose, 2001, p.27).

One would recall a positive situation, then analyze it. It’s the group’s duty to express its points of view regarding this situation, in order to expose and oppose standpoints, different sensitivities, perceptive analysis, and not to have an identical vision of the events described. To analyze and focus on an event, the following parameters should be taken into consideration:

ü      Individual dimension (conscious or unconscious, the unconsciousness of some being the consciousness of others )

ü      collective dimension (Interactions within the team)

ü      organizational dimension (the training curriculum is the system in which the team is evolving)

ü      environmental dimension  (The individual’s company, his family and on a broader scale his economical and social background.)

The aim here is that everyone should expand their vision and perception of given situations, presented in their complexity. The coach can bring a few theoretical elements to the process.

The coach in a « mother » position / The coach in a « motherly » position

In the dynamics of the quest for self, the coach holds an absolutely essential role. With these sessions, the individuals learn to take over their questioning, and elaborate this long and painful self-knowledge process.  They learn to tame themselves as well as the others. The principles on which the sessions are based will be partly those of the transitional approach (Amado G. et Ambrose A. 2001) derived from the theory of transitional space. It can be summarized as follows:

ü      recall and analyze the group’s past experiences

ü      analyze situations in order to grasp their complexity

ü      analyze conflicts and not just the ways to avoid them

ü      work on paradox.

ü      Acknowledge each participant’s role and his contribution to the global evolution of the group.

The coach therefore holds the position of the “good enough” mother.. H manages and insures the framework. At the onset, he defines the rules which stipulate the importance of not judging (including oneself). The coach will try to establish a safe and secured atmosphere for everyone. He will see to the fact that the  framework remains at all time a place for creative exchange and not for normalization: « the transitional approach does not impose a preconceived idea of the new culture that is to emerge from an intervention. Rather than being cultural standardization (instilling the cultural traits necessary for success), it allows for cultural creation though dialogue and negotiation between diverse cultural realities. »  (Amado et Amato 2001)

Occasionally, the coach can provide theoretical elements with a view to structuring the understanding and presentation of situations, derived from participants’ analysis .

This allows to face true solitude, this ability to be alone in the presence of others, assuming one’s own boundaries, grasping reality as it is and not through an imaginary system or through corporate mythology.

Social and Psychological Maturity : frustration and renouncing of power and powerlessness

It wouldn’t be uninteresting to observe that on the opposite of the evolution in transitional space, participants all experience in their own time  stints of might : they will find the best solutions to the issues studied ; the corporate strategy of their firm will appear as crystal clear. They will spot the other participant’s mistakes and will themselves becoming great entrepreneurs… Professors, coworkers and markets studies will soon contribute to burst their bubble, to loose their illusions. This training program and its various processes are conducive to experimentation in which one can meet frustration.

Nevertheless, they cope with the frustration of an environment that they have no control on, as they come to terms with their desires, they no longer want to know it all and understand it all in order to become universal managers. They are willing to develop real talents, these fulfilling and pleasurable fields .

Answers akin to their place in a social and economical system are reveal and found (Enriquez 1998). Therefore they can set up the “portance: feeling of integration, of belonging to oneself and of personal responsibility”(Quinodoz, 1991).  The main principles  of this process are as follows :

ü      Do away with some narcissistic “objects”

ü      Give up their omnipotence

ü      Test alterity

ü      Build bounds of solidarity with others

ü      Find one’s own self-confidence and trust in others

ü      Give up super-ego-like,  ideal or overwhelming positions,

The individual no longer intends to sort out conflicting situations by imagining that all is possible (or impossible), but he will, from then on, take his reality into consideration, being aware of its limitations and of his own boundaries. This reality is enlightened and enhanced by the knowledge derived from or updated by the training course (tuition, seminars, exchange with other participants). Thus, the individual will summon up all his mental abilities for the analysis and the decision-making of the situation elements. (in organizational, economical, sociological and political terms) This awakening occur, completely freed from the blurred of his fears and fantasy, or the interpretation of these data.

Building an identity through confrontation with others

Comparison with other participants of the program can quickly be felt : They are HPM who underwent the same strict selection process, neither more brilliant, nor less intelligent. Theses parameters will tend to reinforce them in their narcissism. The comparison stakes are ten insignificant, therefore participants progressively forsake their narcissistic quest. They will go through a brief stage of  intensely close group’  (groupe fusionnel) visible in all group-building processes. For lack of creating a professional identity, participants will little by little create a group identity, process which will be encouraged and furthered by the pedagogical framework. Consequently, the « team group » identity will also become an important referencing element in the organization of their activities, their time as well as their own perception/representation. Thanks to this ‘mirror game’,  participants will slowly discover and fathom their doubts, questioning, fears through the other participants. They will rediscover themselves through the mirrored gaze of others, developing an awareness of differentiation, and at times solidarity.

An actual search  for identity is at stake : “Who am i ?”, “ What is my role/place/position in the group?”, “Where do I from the other group members?”, “ In what sense do I contribute?” These questions echo a quest for identity. It is very complex search, as P. Tap (2000) says, a bridge between one others, between corporal abilities, affective dynamics and social requirements. It is always in conflict, thorn between close relationship and break up, the opening and the closing, the individual and social field.

The group framework is also conducive to the projection of external relationships and mainly those developed with coworkers in their firms. The coaching sessions focused as much as possible on the “here and now” will allow the objective analysis of behavior and understanding of the world’s complexity.

Consistency

In the same way, HPM will not give more importance than is deserved  to certain people or situations. This constitutes a real strategy as they are no longer one with corporate values and practices. As Enriquez stated : “more often than not, they (HPM) will opt for a training session as a compromise allowing them to fight for their place without losing their souls and beliefs. They hold a position of  ‘marginal intégré’ (integrated marginals)” (1998, p. 21). Choosing a cautious and wise behavior adapted to both their own convictions and to the situations without compromising oneself or giving up on strong inner convictions. It’s all about making up one’s mind and taking full responsibility for the consequences of one’s decisions. This represents the consistent behavior of  a responsible man. This is how a mature individual will measure fully and acknowledge his specificity as opposed to others. He no longer needs to flatter his narcissism and no longer  wants to forward his difference with the fear of not being acknowledge. He can contribute to collective creations and innovation with the gift of his talent.

His psychological and emotional growth will be noticed around him. From that time onwards, he will be able to make choices, accept and make offers. We can notice tremendous growth and acceleration in his professional trajectory.

methodology

This study was based on a bibliographical research that allowed me to define concepts on which I developed my analysis. Given the issues dealt with, I decided to go for a multidisciplinary approach. I delved in the field of  psycho-sociology to deal with concepts such as identity,  socialisation and solitude.

GRH was my reference regarding High Flyers’ management.

Psycho-analysis allowed me to deal with themes such as narcissism, identification, as well as solitude and psychical maturity.  I based my analysis on studies carried out by D. Winnicott using concepts such as “transitional area” or “potential space”.

After each coaching session, I faithfully took some notes which helped me to formalise my analysis and to stand back a little from the situation. Thanks to these notes and debriefing meetings held with other coaches, and other people in charge of this training, I could single out issues and dynamics as well as come up with some hypothesis.

I attended a few day-long research seminars on the theme of coaching and management of HPMs. Then I met up with 3 managers of HPMs also called “managers of breeding grounds”. I also interviewed two executives, who, although they objected to this concept of ‘breeding grounds”, had set up in their respective  companies various plans for a large team of executives mostly of high potential.

I also went to a wide spectrum of websites used by companies to display their human resources policies and more specifically recruitment techniques and management of HPMs.

I interviewed 8 participants identified as HPMs either by themselves or by their companies. Their personal details had been provided by competence assessment centres (recruitment firms) or by human resources departments.

I also contacted people listed to enrol shortly in the ESSEC’s EMBA.

Six other interviews were carried out over a period of two months. The interviewees had been following the EMBA for eighteen months out of the two years of this training programme. It was very important to meet them only at that stage, as it allowed me to interview people whose maturity process was not equal. (individuals evolve at a different pace). I must add that his training is dedicated to HPM’s.

I intended to interview a large number of female executives, largely outnumbered by their male counterparts. The fact that they were so few among high potential managers seems to carry a meaning.

Recordings lasted from sixty to ninety minutes. The opening questions were “What is a High potential Manager?”, “Do you think that you belong to this category?”. During the first half of the interview, participants could speak freely. Then the meting became a little more structured as I guided them with specific questions. This questionnaire had been elaborated from my bibliographical research, but also from my experience as a coach and my notes taken after each session. At the end I would ask the following question: “ This study is entitled “Loneliness among HPM’s” What are your views about this?”

I asked the interviewees following the programme to tell me in what way they had benefited from the course and to expand on the newly-operated changes in their professional lives.

All interviews were entirely retranscribed, then the scripts were given to interviewees for approval or modification of their statements.

The content analysis  was later done to the light of grids and tables based on the questionnaire  itself and on the hypothesis I were hoping to demonstrate.

Then, a few interviewees were asked to express their views on this analysis and on my conclusions.

Results of field survey

After a sole interview, it was difficult to prove that some people were prisoners of their false-self.

For the presentation of the results, I decided so to mainly demonstrate in which measure the training may be considered as a transitional area for most of the participants. Because they feel safe, they can give up this protection of false-self, conquer their own self-confidence and afterwards adopt a more authentic behavior in their professional environment. As a consequence, I used more the verbatim of people in the  training process, compared to those who had not begun yet.

It is interesting to compare words related to the same topic (while staying however, very careful) of persons who had not yet begun the training to those of persons after eighteen months of training. Another decision consisted in presenting mainly the results derived from the interviews of only two participants which demonstrate, in a more detailed and illustrated, certain aspects of the difficult path of getting from the renunciation to the false-self with conquest to true-self.

Some elements oh the false-self

The myths of excellence and of the manager, hero of modern times

The image that I had about high potential executives was that of people on whom the companies would put very important pressure on, in terms of personal commitment, of workload and availability (Roussillon 1998). This largely contributed to make them give up a number of things, but especially being themselves, for the benefit of companies expectations.

So I tried to make them evoke their real professional life and/or their representations on this subject.

The people in the process of training do not express their situation in terms of pressure, but rather, in terms of choices, sometimes difficult to make between the social life, their domestic life, their training and their sports or cultural activities…. They recognize that a heavy workload is a part of the price to pay to reach their objectives. However nobody among them has used the word sacrifice.

On the other hand, those who had not yet begun the training recall this pressure, but endorse it : « So, I do not think that the pressure comes especially from the Management. I think that, I do personally create pressure. Well, they have performance expectations ; it is clear; I would not be happy if I do not have good results (…) Well, so I do not know if that comes more from the company than from myself ; but I … think that it is ….me who wish to do better and to aim towards more excellence » (Gerard). It is tempting to say that Gerard, like a lot of HP executives, is a new victim of the so wide-spread myth of excellence (Sérieyx, 2000) that he takes on board, in a mechanism of introjection. The limits between me and non-me seems very thin. The manager is no more « in a “relation duelle” (dual relationship), in confrontation with the company which mirrors an image of excellence, omnipotence, perfection, youth, eternity, wealth, expansion and performance… He is really captured by this image, which, as Narcissus, he risks merging with, getting lost in and drowning himself in. He does not see any more very well the limit between reality and the image, between inside and outside » (N. Aubert & V. de Gaulejac, 1991, p.111). Once again the « organizational psychical system » performs its role, as most of his homologues, Gerard gave up his individuality and his interiority for a mythical ideal.

Not only, the company substitutes itself to their Ideal Ego, but it also invades the main part of their ego. It is interesting to note, that ability to react and availability are mentioned repeatedly, when I asked them to list some of the H.P. Managers’ characteristics. The companies’ needs replace their domestic lives. However they nevertheless acknowledge their will it to protect, above all, against the rising of their desire. This topic of balance is a quasi-leitmotiv, for those that do not attend the training. « Life is a tripod : family, friends and work, so it is necessary to find a perfect balance between these three things, I believe that … I dare to hope that for me, it is O.K., even they would like to see me more often at home etc. (…) I strive nevertheless to maintain the balance (…)  well, during a seminar, someone told us, that it is necessary to balance the three, otherwise, at a any moment, it may break ; an imbalance may appear, for us, for the company, for everybody » (Michel). He denies the imbalance which everybody perceives, including himself, as the members of his family, but he refuse to address it. This imbalance that he dreads so much would be the emergence of the true-self, of his desire to the detriment of his submission and of his dependence to the desire others and company in particular.

Grateful company

It would certainly be exaggerating to say that Michel, as many others could get everything he wishes from the company, but at least, he feels recognized from his employers « They are capable assessing involved, positive, progressive people … there is recognition. » (Véronique)

It is rare enough to deserve a mention, as the lack of recognition, is nowadays the main source of employees’ suffering (Dejours, 1998). There are many ways to express this gratitude : pay rise, training, executives’ breakfasts attendance to conferences… “To be a member of H.P. Managers is a sign of gratitude and I find it pleasant…” He feels flattered but fails to realize how much the company needs him, his intelligence, his working capacity. His self-assurance and his self-confidence is often a front, as I will expand on latter.. These token are essential to reassure them, even if it is difficult for them to identify what the companies expect from their H.P. Managers, beyond their availability and their capacity to manager. This recognition comes to repair a narcissistic fragility which must be ignored, and to reassure an unwanted self-doubt. By writing it under the title of « grateful company”, I wanted to make a reference to the formula which is carved on a large number of war memorials : “from the grateful country to its fallen soldiers”. The sacrifice of a part of oneself on the company’ altar seems like the “narcissisme de mort” (death narcissism) (Green, 1983), in order to avoid the pain of separation.

permanent evolution or the attempt to escape

“One must evolve”. They rally the companies’ motto about change. They are not only talking about the necessity to adapt to evolving world. “I would not like to be in process which would required of me to constantly do the same thing.. No, no, it must be on the move, even though have a rather… quiet character it must be hectic. And I wish to evolve. And I have a lot of pleasure from it .” (Gerard) Fundamentally, once more, he tries to escape from suffering. It looks like the avoidance in order never to find oneself alone, mortal and separated from others.

From questioning (and its answers), to doubt and its unbearable uncertainty.

Then one day, the machine to produce success, satisfaction, narcissism gets jammed. A promotion does not come soon enough ; it is too difficult to pass from an operational job with lots of responsibility in a foreign country  to an anonymous assignment at the administrative headquarters. The recognition system has failed. “I sometimes that feel exasperated ; I keep telling myself: " but  how is it possible that they don’t realize that  there are people with potential and that they don’t see that these people want to work.”

And then, the unbearable doubt and its procession of uncertainties surface. Because of denial, projection, rationalization, cleavage, and other mechanisms of defense, they succeed in protecting themselves from doubt : “I think that I’ve definitively tried to delete this thought from my way of thinking.” (Michel).

It is necessary to feel safe to accept doubt. Actually, their false-self is here to give evidence of their feeling of deep insecurity.

Valerie does not feel able to reverse the course of her history inside her company. But she also feels unable to leave it : “I kept thinking that  I was going to change companies, and actually, I did not feel like leaving. Which company will offer me what I already have ? They are very good at  keeping managers.” Trapped in a high potential managing system which alienates her desire, she no longer knows what she wants (but did she ever know it ?)

Self-questioning is an everyday practice for them. Each question has its answer. As expert, they are paid to give answers. They are  specialized answering and explaining. In the interview, Gerard gave out his personal hints about the necessity to evolve : “It is with personal training, permanent training, actually broadening the scope… the scope of one’s skills, i.e. not only to limit oneself to one’s competencies, but to try to learn other topics, topics you do not master well yet today. That is self-questioning.” (Gerard). Chiefly, one should not allow thoughts of lack, or of  non-fulfillment.

Once again, in the short term, the mechanisms of defense works, in perfect concordance with the company’s “imaginary system” which “offers to give answers  to each individual who is questioning, suffering, hoping imagining…” (Aubert, de Gaulejac, 1991, p.111). If, for the moment, they manage to withhold their doubt, their confidence in the system falters. They need to go somewhere else to find reassurance. Officially, they quest for a lit bit of « fresh air » and « opening ». Valerie, as the others enrolled in « an international, high level program »  the official goal of which was to bring knowledge, double training and diploma  they need to accelerate their career. The hidden objective is to cobble together the breach due to a failure of the company’s recognizing system and to build up their weakened narcissism. In reality, this training will open the floodgates of the true-self.

The EMBA : a transitional area to the conquest of  true-self.

Regression, transformation and return of the affects

Thanks to the reassuring area of the training, thanks to the perception of the other participants who are changing and developing themselves, Pierre stops resisting. He renounces to the alibi of his job interest, or to his loyalty to his company which pays for his training, and accepts to give in. He wonders about things his company is unable to provide answers for : « Well, guys, you have got guts ! your firm pays for the MBA , and you dump it and leave. It seems to me a little bit unfair, actually, whatever their deep motivation. I have been caught up, but much later than them. » At last, he may accept that some of his defenses falter. The training promotes the return of repressed, in the form of remembrance : « as a feature of my character, I always keep an eye on the future, I tend to forget easily what I have done in the past. » However, he experiences again emotions and affects, going back to the time before the false-self. This is very uncomfortable for him as he is no longer familiar with those emotions. « I  sense it, things are turning tough (…) Very simply, I have come to face again, deep down in myself, mechanisms, feelings, I used to have, when I  just graduated. It is a cure of rejuvenation ; but ten years older…so you tell yourself : it is time to move on a little bit. » He realizes the splitting he had built for many years, in order to protect this part of himself which was so weak ; emotions and affects, a part of his true-self.

« My past caught up with me » In fact, it is rather a mechanism of regression, thanks to which he can identify himself to the one he was, when he was younger ; probably not as locked up in his defensive mechanisms as rationalization, and inhibition toward his emotions and affects. He understands the importance and decisiveness of  the issues and the consequences of this change : “the transformation has been extremely violent… the entire class shares this feeling which occurs a little late, but we perceive how great our transformation has been.” (Pierre) It is important to notice that, every time, he quotes and refers to « the entire class ». Had he been alone, he certainly would not have dared to follow such a path.

Painfully coming to terms  with reality

From this, he can contemplate a new progression, as Winnicott observes it among his patients. « the advantage of the regression, is an opportunity to correct an inappropriate adaptation for the patient’s needs, in his past history, i.e. in his child life organization. (Winnicott 1955, p. 330).

Bolstered by his new findings, he makes some proposals to his company. « I send them some signs, it was more than signs, in fact, since I directly spoke with my boss about what I thought was great and what I thought was not so great, about what I expected… The feed-back has been …a total misunderstanding. » In fact, the organizational world is not the safe area of the EMBA. He stepped back into the real world too fast, and he met the frustration. He is disappointed. He thought that he was recognized but then he discovers that he is anonymous. « I had the feeling of doing things well, at the same time, I was attentive enough to perceive that I was one among dozens and dozens people. I am not trying to be superior, but I am searching for my identity, who I am ; and it is not easy to find it precisely in a jumble of employees. » He clumsily expresses his disillusionment. He experiences  bad loneliness. However, with the support of the EMBA Pierre seems to be decided to realize, in reality, the desires he has discovered : « at the same time it’s hopeful and very disconcerting. Encouraging because you know you can achieve something – maybe it is auto-conviction – but, on the other hand you wonder which direction to take, what you really want. »

It is a long training and the real taming of oneself. However, we can be sure that, this time, Pierre will not let others decide for him. Now, he has learnt that  « nobody can take the place of another to tell him what he must do. » Pierre is discovering his « capacity to be alone ». For sure, he will choose an environment in which he will not be obliged to protect himself, sometimes stifling his emotions and his affects. In the end, he observes that everything he has been able to do, until now, was mainly profitable to the others and very little to him. His desire was under the submission of  others desires. « I think it brought a lot to my company. I have always been a good soldier (…) The main thing was to please someone, this time is over. »

However, as Winnicott says (1936), it is important to keep in mind that the corporate organizational environment does not make this kind of maturity easier. Nowadays, Pierre still feels a little lonely ; he is looking for his identity ; he must give up the ideal ego that the company  offered him and which he identify himself with. He is ready to give up the narcissistic quest for an identity  which links him to others.

He needs to have a project in order to invest himself in and to express his creativity, which is, according Winnicott, an important characteristic of psychological maturity. « Let’s think a little bit about oneself, let’s build one’s identity doing something with our own hands ; yes it is almost this… »

So the entrepreneurial project, that the participants must carry out during the second year, in teams of five or six people, in order to apply their new management knowledge, will contribute to the transitional area, insofar as it might enable their creativity to take shape.

My interview with Bertrand reveals how this project can be considered as a transitional area, preparing them for the real world, their conquest of autonomy. Other participants play the role of the « good enough mother » who supports, cares, but also frustrates when  necessary.

Challenging their  false-self

Bertrand had started the EMBA program almost year and half ago when I conducted  this interview. Bertrand graduated from very famous and reputable school and got a engineering degree . He is currently working as an expert (he is not a manager), in a big public company. The engineers  from polytechnique are supposed to rule supreme in this firm. He thinks that strategic skills successful risk-taking are other means to obtain great consideration, recognition and even have promotion.

Bertrand adds that when he enrolled, he was convinced that he would never achieve anything. According to him, he had accumulated handicaps : he did not have the right degree, he had not given all the necessary signs of his allegiance; all in all, he was not supported by any Executive manager who could have offered him an interesting and important project (which is another way to access to the Executive level). «Because of all that, I felt that every thing was more or less spoilt. I would not be able to make up for all this. »

Bertrand shows a wounded-ego image and has the depressive behavior of someone who feels abandoned by a non-supportive environment.

Some months before his enrollment to the EMBA, he had  asked for international mobility and he had been turned down for the posts. « Then, they explain to me, that they were not interested in my profile. At that moment, I got angry with them and decided to do something ; within three months, I put through my application for the MBA program, because,  I precisely felt that I could do better. »

Bertrand, could not have expressed himself that way a  year and half ago. At the beginning of the training, I heard the talks of several participants about the reasons why they wanted to attend this kind of training, I can say that no one expressed as clearly as him  the aloofness towards the company’s assessment about him. On the contrary, all of them were very happy and proud to declare that they were recognized by their company. Questioning their false-safe would be to take the risk of “breakdown”. The mechanism of identification to the aggressor gives Bertrand the necessary combativeness to move away from the submitted character he had been until now and to try to protect his emerging true-self.

The others or the mirror of his possible

It through confrontation with the others that he can recover his self-confidence. “By discussing with others, you can finally perceive, that you have a certain potential for organizing, motivating, for actually managing. The image mirrored by others is a little bit what you do, in a certain way, even if there may be different levels of interpretation….” This quote demonstrates how cautious he is in the choice of his words to refer to the discovery of his new skills. All of them talked about this discovery of other possibilities for them, discovering the others. All of them were strictly selected (application, good marks to GMAT, interviews…).

They all belong to the elite as far as their corporate knowledge and competencies are concerned. However, we can notice that there is a great diversity in terms of nationality, personality, companies, but all of them are considered as high potential. That means that there is no one-unique model of “how to be a high flyer”. It is a real revelation for Bertrand (and for all of them) that makes him feel safe enough to consider that he could try new behaviors. This newly gained security  allows the return of the repressed. “By default, I thought that the people I am (or I was) working with, used to behave as I do. I really became conscious that there was a lot of different ways to live and work. As a matter of fact, everything didn’t have to be brought back to me, my way of working was the unit of measurement, not par excellence (…) To the light of this, I can now say : It is not because I am different that I am abnormal. So I can live with the way I am. Then it enables to develop a strength, a strength for my conviction. I can live better. I can live better with others. It is an extremely deep discovery.”

Disillusionment, frustration: The way to creativity

Actually, he feels safe enough to initiate the in-class project. Just like a baby who is in the illusion or the fad that he can create the objects he needs, Bertrand is going to create the in-class project, in order to prove to himself that he can take risks. The stake is high for him, because if it is no longer possible to have a polytechnique degree, he can still become a strategist, able to take risks. Thus, according him, at least through his own eyes, he will be able to become an executive manager in his company.

In fact, he will conceive the project like a work of art, as Didier Anzieu describes it (1996, p. 37): “More than an immortality fantasy, the masterpiece seems to me to be the accomplishment of an omnipotent narcissistic desire. Being a novelist, to use what I know best as an illustration, it is to give shape at will, to infinity – even though with unavoidable limits –  to characters, situations, speeches, imaginary feelings. The writer feels more at ease with words than with people, because, people and objects resist, whereas he can  molded freely the inner images, the impetus which drive them,  using words which come to express it – by virtue of his talent or his training, by virtue of this specific mix of inspired sudden appearance and obstinate work.”

Bertrand is convinced that his project is relevant. Applying the knowledge recently acquired from lessons and readings, he spent a lot of time, defining, building a methodology on paper. Then, he presents it to the class. Bound to his omnipotence, he does not understand why the others are so little reactive and so little motivated… It is a failure. “In fact, from the onset, I was a little naïve (…) I really thought : everybody would agree, everybody would feel concerned.” It was very painful for him to face up with the reality that his dream, his project did not automatically gather all the others. “In fact, it was an extremely hazardous exercise. I put myself in jeopardy, I really felt that I was baring it all in front of everybody, I had no parachute…” He really felt alone, abandoned by everybody. However, he does not say that the others are responsible for this failure, as he used to do in order not to ruin his certainty.

Through this experience, he loses his confidence in his “good part of self”, in this true-self that he dares to reveal. He also feels a bit persecuted by others. “It is the alternative between idealization and persecution; straight-away, I want a perfect and accomplished performance. The least objection of a flaw, a delay or an imperfection can undo a worthy job when it was in his mind, into a worthless project when written on the paper.” (Anzieu 1996). His distress is so important that he asks the team to dedicate a  whole coaching session to the problem. The reviewing work, and the team support are hardly efficient to understand the situation : not all people operate according to the same patterns and models as he does. But the wound is still deep. He can not succeed to work out his affects, his pain and his feeling of abandon remain meaningless. He passes through a depressive phase during which the project is brought to a standstill. He does not succeed in giving up his omnipotence.

Even so, during a conversation with one of the main opponents to his project, he, at last, faces and accepts the reality. The latter comes and finally explains to him that although Bertrand had done a good job,  he had other things to do than taking this project on. “That was really encouraging !” This newly-found support satisfies his need for recognition. This is going to constitute the supportive environment which is going to allow him to consider  reality just as it is. After being immobilized in his disappointment, he can once again motivate and mobilize a large part of the group, giving up convincing the totality.

Bertrand gave up his illusion in order to be “creative”. This motivation also means that he can introject a non- idealized object : he does not need to win unanimous support, to control everything  and to take on his project. (Quinidoz, 1991). So he may conclude this part of the interview speaking about his creative ability which went to waste for a long time in the company : “In fact, now I really discover the creative dimension. To create something from scratch… With hindsight, I notice that I was able to do a lot of  this kind of things. Truly, they were not things done  in my professional life. Now, I can tell myself : This is what you are able to do… My simple truth is that at times I  have the feeling that I only want nothing but the happiness of others ! It is dangerous.” It is a good way to lose one’s soul, even if this may eschew a bigger danger.

The EMBA reassuring area also enables the return of Bertrand’s repressed, i.e. a forgotten past crops up, or more precisely a past he could not draw on, when he was within his company’s walls. The past evolves from the status of repressed to the status of remembrance. He can reappropriate his history and  no longer says that the company bears full responsibility for the reason of his grievance as he used to do. He is no longer balancing between omnipotence and impotence. He is no longer projecting out of himself his inability. Something similar to a defensive splitting between past / present –future on the one hand , and elsewhere / inside the company is certainly fading. Bonds become possible.

The slow and timid taming of one-self

His own image is progressively being completed and is improving little by little. He wins back his self-confidence. It is no longer necessary to be a polytechnician to succeed. His bitterness shown against this company, which is supposed to open its doors only to polytechnicians fades. What’s left to analyze is the possible use of his talents presently and in the future.

Firstly, he seems to be a little shy (maybe only realistic). “Well, finally, I think I have a range of possibilities I can draw on. So, in fact, nowadays the market conditions are not completely auspicious to find a job where I could use my knowledge, and stretch my abilities.” He is still a bit insecure, so he prefers to present himself as unacceptable for the company. “As long as we talk about the technical side, around me, every thing is all right, but as soon as I start to talk a little more about strategy, management or something else, no one follows me, no one listens to me, no one understands anything, it is just as if I spoke a foreign language; I am on another planet.” He expresses his position more in terms of difference rather than in terms of inferiority or lack. He also expresses a deep feeling of loneliness inside his company. However he dares to recognize it and suffers from it. Later on, he lets us in on a project that he has been solicited on and he is still showing some hesitation to accept. It is not only himself who is conscious of his evolution, the company itself noticed  that he could bring something interesting now. “I was offered a job of technical capability (that is a little problem) : to become responsible for a rather important project. Can we establish some kind of grid of importance for H.P. Managers ? Let’s say that I am befriended and more considered by some of them; even if I am not in the right path, where I deserve to be.” He renounce to his impotence and he accepts to look at the environment and sees it as it is. He is no longer completely dependent on a company which decides for him which job he must do; he can make choices. He imagines that he can find a job inside the company, without being conform to the company’s homogenization mold. He no longer feels excluded.

It is with sadness that he foresees the end of the training program which has helped him, which  has enabled him to give up his in-company’s false-self. After the mourning of his false-self, he is preparing himself to mourn for the safe transitional area in order to test his true-self in every day life.

Conclusion

These interview excerpts showed how a training as the EMBA may become a transitional area, for some participants. Though they can win back a certain independence from their company and from their job. “We came to this training to get tools… tools to understand finance, accounting. But in fact, it is really to think, to wonder about things, and to obtain answers to this questions… but in fact, we come up with our own answers.”

Let’s conclude with Bertrand’s own words. “It was like a process of deconstruction and reconstruction. I feel, that I deconstruct the way I used to see things, I lay out the pieces, in order to try to reconstruct something according to the lessons I learnt from everybody ; it is a blurred process… how can I say … (…) It is a hunger for feed-back, really, it is a flashback, it is a iterative process.” It’s all about the capacity to be alone in the presence of somebody. This working through contains some violent feelings, and some desires at least disturbing. They must give a meaning to these desires which appear with the emergence of the true-self and the conquest of his autonomy by the participant.

The mission of such a training is not to make the participants’ desire emerge, but to take it into consideration and make its structuration easier. The coaching sessions using reviewing and the working through, as they have been presented in the first part of this essay, are essential to the understanding of the processes and interrelations. It is a demanding and long process, because as we saw it, the resistances are numerous.

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